...And this concludes the adventure! Or this particular chapter of the greater adventure of a life lived out following God wherever He takes us. It's been such a joy to take you all along with me and be able to share some of the things God did and the stories He told during this trip!
It's honestly really hard to believe it's all over now! Gap year was something I looked forward to and worked hard to prepare for for so long. And now. It's complete. That chapter is closed. I'll never be living life like that with my team anymore. I won't be learning those same lessons like that ever again (hopefully! If I really learned them I guess, lol). And yet. The same God Who walked with me through all the 8 months on gap year is the same God Who is still leading and directing my life now that it's over.
It's kind of crazy just to be back home again too. Back to "my old life", and yet...nothing is really the same anymore. Because I've changed. God grew me and taught me so, so much through this experience. I left for gap year wanting (and probably even expecting to some degree) to change the world. But God's biggest priority was apparent to change me. To grow me. To team me more of Who He is. I learned so much of a greater love for Him, as I began to understand more of Who He really is. I learned to rest. I learned to obey no matter what. I learned more humility. I learned a life of prayer and reliance on His Spirit. I learned to love even when it's hard. I learned that He will have His way. He will have His bride. And there's nothing that can come in the way of that. And above all, I think I just learned that He is so, so, so much better than anything I ever could have imagined Him to be. The more you know Him, the more in love you fall with Him, because everything about Him is so breathtaking- perfect - beautiful. He's so much more than I'd ever realized before. I'm excited to spend the rest of my life all in, in this pursuit to know Him more. Further up and further in. He always wants to take us deeper. There's never a point where we've "arrived". I want to know Him as much as I possibly can in this life, and still I look forward with eager longing for the day when we shall know Him and see Him face to face.
If I were to try and summarize gap year, I think I'd say that part 1 (in Montana for the first semester) was really hard. God really dug deep with all of us and stripped a lot away. We were really challenged and things were difficult and frustrating. But that was the environment God chose to begin to refine each of us on my team. And then, part 2 (in Missouri) felt like just His abundant blessings and redeeming of the semester before. The Cru staff team we worked with was INCREDIBLE. We were able to actually do ministry on campus. We grew a lot as a team. We got to know students and be invested in some of their lives. Around every corner, I felt like He was just showing us more and more of His grace and abundant mercies to us while we were in Missouri. I never would have thought Missouri would have been God's greatest gift to me on gap year, but it really was. It was His plan all along, and I must agree with Him that it was a good one. :) He did so much in that time. In me, on the campuses, in students' lives. And I got to see it all. :) I'm so grateful to God for not only giving me a front row seat to His work in Springfield, MO, but also a part to play! God is so good.
Thank you all for all of your prayers and support. I really wish I'd done a better job of keeping you updated and posting more regularly on here, but once we got to Missouri, ministry really took up all my time (and that was SUCH a blessing!!) Also though, I do still have heaps of stories from the past 8 months, so if any of you want to hear more, just ask and I'd be more than happy to share. :)
I feel like there was a lot more I still wanted to say, but I can't remember it right now.
Oh! I remembered. Haha. And me having forgotten there for a second is actually a good lead into what I was going to say! I just wanted to share a praise report with you all. I don't think I mentioned it in any of my previous posts, but throughout gap year I was struggling with growing health issues. (brain fog definitely has been one of the symptoms which is why I momentarily forgot what I wanted to say a second ago. Haha) God taught me so much of His grace and care through that time, but it really was incredibly challenging when I would feel nauseous for days, have my insomnia come back, have migraines every night, experience extreme fatigue and difficulty breathing, etc. He provided for me in really precious ways I will always treasure, but I did end up coming home 2 weeks before gap year officially ended because I was too worn out. This past weekend, Mom took me to TX though to see a special holistic health doctor there though....and she was able to find the problems and now I'm on the path to recovery! It might not seem that huge to you, but it's been SO big for me. This has been something I've been wrestling with God on for so long. I'd finally come to the point where I didn't really think I ever would feel well again and be able to live life like I wanted to. But after the hard work of gap year was over, He had such a wonderful surprise for me. I can get better! There's actual reasons for why I've been feeling so miserable, and they can be addressed! So, I just wanted to praise Him, and invite you all to praise Him with me, because this really is such an ENORMOUS deal for me. :D God is soooo good. He gives and takes away, blessed be the Name of the Lord.
I guess I just want to leave you all with Scripture (The Bible is the best!!! :D) and I felt like the Psalm that God had me in for the entire duration of gap year would be a good one to share. It's Psalm 27 and it's beautiful. Actually read it and let all the beauty of Who God is that's reflected in it soak in.
1 The Lord is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid? 2 When the wicked advance against me to devour[a] me, it is my enemies and my foes who will stumble and fall. 3 Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident. 4 One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. 5 For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock. 6 Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the Lord. 7 Hear my voice when I call, Lord; be merciful to me and answer me. 8 My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, Lord, I will seek. 9 Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, God my Savior. 10 Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me. 11 Teach me your way, Lord; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. 12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, spouting malicious accusations. 13 I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. 14 Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
Blessings and His joy be yours
May His Name ever be lifted higher,
~Etsi